I know I say there aren’t “any words” a lot, but it’s really true. What can you say? The same goes for those around you – they don’t know what to say, either. No one does. We can’t say anything to fix it or make the parents feel better. And sometimes, I can’t find the words to describe how I’m feeling. Something terrible happened and there isn’t any explanation as to why it happened. And that sucks.
I’ve been silent for the last 5 months or so, mainly because I felt like I needed some space and privacy at that point in my grieving process. I re-read Teddy’s birth story the night before what would have been his 6 month birthday. It was hard but also so good to read. I mentioned there that I would share about his death at a later date, but for that moment, I wanted to focus on his magical birth. However, I don’t feel like going there with you. I thought I would, but I’m not sure it’d be helpful for me to share that at this point and I still feel too vulnerable to go into detail about it. I will say that he died unexpectedly, at home, and the cause of his death is undetermined. It was quite traumatic and it all occurred in our bedroom. Thank you for respecting our privacy. Some people would term it SIDS, but after researching it a bit, I’ve learned that medical professionals are steering away from using that terminology and rather, using the phrase “cause of death: undetermined” at this point. From what I understand, it’s to help clear up any confusion when conducting research in the area of infant death. This in no way was suffocation and there wasn’t any indication as to why he died.
I decided to write again to help others. Also, because it was just what I was feeling led to do. I’m not sure where to start, but if I can help in any way by sharing, I’d be happy. Whenever I’ve shared something on Instagram, moms who have lost their own child reach out and say they feel the same way or completely understand and it helps not to be alone. I’ve also had great feedback from people who haven’t personally experienced this kind of heartache. They say it helps to know how to reach out to their grieving friend.
No one grieves in the same way, but I think I’ve gleaned some wisdom from walking through this that will be pertinent to many. I have a couple of ideas of things to share, but I’d love to hear from you. What does this topic bring up for you? Do you feel alone in your grief? Do you feel unsure about how to support a friend who is going through this? Send me your questions or dilemmas and I will create a post with all of them and hopefully provide some guidance for navigating this sticky territory of grief and loss. You can leave a comment, shoot me an email, or reach out to me on Instagram. However you feel most comfortable.
May you find peace today.